I LOVE the book and movie, "The Notebook." Nicholas Sparks gets to everyone's heart by using his lovely,sweet-talking words.
"If you're a bird, I'm a bird..." All of those cute lines that you see on people's facebooks and written on their pictures with their "other half". They're all cute and fun to use, but several lines are overlooked, and are really important. One line that most don't notice is...
"What do you want?! Damn it! What do you want?!" - Noah (when asking Allie to decide between him and her rich fiance)
What do we really want? In reality, everyone wants everything they can possibly get, but what's really important?
What I want changes every few hours. Most people's lists do. But right now, (I'll keep it short and sweet)...
I want to do more.
I want to help more.
I want to give more.
I want to love more.
Sure, I want a puppy. Who doesn't?!
But that's not my priority right now. Helping others is.
What do you want? The question is straightforward, but an honest answer takes much more thought.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
"4 W's and a How".....Wow!
When? Where? Why? Who? How?
In elementary school, these were the questions we'd answer after we read a book, poem, or short story. It showed comprehension and understanding.
I'm around little kids a lot. And recently was being asked about my Lyme Disease.
"When did you get it?" --- "Not quite sure. I just know I've been sick for a very very long time."
"Where did you get Lyme Disease? Your dog?" --- "Well, I got Lyme Disease from a tick. Don't worry, you can't get Lyme Disease from your dog, but you CAN get it from the ticks on your dog! Do tick checks a lot, girls, and DEFINITELY tell your mom or dad if you find one."
"Why did you get Lyme Disease? You're nice." --- "I got Lyme Disease not to be punished, but because God knew I can handle it and stay strong. So I can tell all of you how to keep from getting it. So I learn life lessons, and become a better person.
"Who takes care of you? Who washes your arm and gives you medicine? Do you do ALL of that? You could be a doctor!! Do you have a nurse that comes to your house? My grandpa has that." ---- "I'm lucky to have my mom to take care of me. Right now, she does EVERYTHING for me. I'm too sick to do it by myself. I call her "doctor mom".
"How do you be happy? How do you stay moving? How are you being in the pageant? How can you do all of this everything?" ---- "I'm happy because I'm very lucky in many ways. I stay moving so that I don't become a couch potato and become sad. I'm in the pageant by taking lots and lots of medicines, praying that it'll be okay, and having much will-power. I can 'do all of this everything' because I have to. I don't have a choice. You have to be a fighter, right? When you get a cold, aren't you a fighter?"
I wasn't surprised at all by these questions, kind of impressed actually that they held a conversation using their "4 W's and a How". They asked me so simply. So innocently. And my answers were simple and innocent. I aspire to have the respect these kids do when asking someone questions. I hope to keep my questions simple and innocent. I want to remember the "4 W's and a How" and use it the best of my ability.
In elementary school, these were the questions we'd answer after we read a book, poem, or short story. It showed comprehension and understanding.
I'm around little kids a lot. And recently was being asked about my Lyme Disease.
"When did you get it?" --- "Not quite sure. I just know I've been sick for a very very long time."
"Where did you get Lyme Disease? Your dog?" --- "Well, I got Lyme Disease from a tick. Don't worry, you can't get Lyme Disease from your dog, but you CAN get it from the ticks on your dog! Do tick checks a lot, girls, and DEFINITELY tell your mom or dad if you find one."
"Why did you get Lyme Disease? You're nice." --- "I got Lyme Disease not to be punished, but because God knew I can handle it and stay strong. So I can tell all of you how to keep from getting it. So I learn life lessons, and become a better person.
"Who takes care of you? Who washes your arm and gives you medicine? Do you do ALL of that? You could be a doctor!! Do you have a nurse that comes to your house? My grandpa has that." ---- "I'm lucky to have my mom to take care of me. Right now, she does EVERYTHING for me. I'm too sick to do it by myself. I call her "doctor mom".
"How do you be happy? How do you stay moving? How are you being in the pageant? How can you do all of this everything?" ---- "I'm happy because I'm very lucky in many ways. I stay moving so that I don't become a couch potato and become sad. I'm in the pageant by taking lots and lots of medicines, praying that it'll be okay, and having much will-power. I can 'do all of this everything' because I have to. I don't have a choice. You have to be a fighter, right? When you get a cold, aren't you a fighter?"
I wasn't surprised at all by these questions, kind of impressed actually that they held a conversation using their "4 W's and a How". They asked me so simply. So innocently. And my answers were simple and innocent. I aspire to have the respect these kids do when asking someone questions. I hope to keep my questions simple and innocent. I want to remember the "4 W's and a How" and use it the best of my ability.
Miss Sick Chick Morgan County 2011
What do you have to do to spread the word about Lyme Disease? You can spread awareness through Facebook, through friends, seminars, etc. BUT as a 17 year-old high school girl, not many people listen to what they have to say...despite your loud voice, your stage presence, your perseverance. I prayed and prayed for a way that I could educate people on the awful disease that I have, and it finally arrived! The Miss Morgan County Pageant 2011. I had never been in a pageant, never thought that I would want to be in one, and didn't think I'd ever be able to partake in one.
The fabulous women in charge of the pageant, worked with me in extremely wonderful ways. I could use my wheelchair whenever needed, could have help walking anywhere, and they allowed my mom to be back stage in case something would happen.
In my interview with my judges, I talked about Lyme as long as they would listen. I wore my Lyme ribbon and Lyme bracelet during every event...including the evening gown wear. I sat in my wheelchair proudly (smiling but in excruciating pain). During intermission, I spoke to everyone I could get to about Lyme Disease. Even if I had touched one person, that was enough. That was my goal.
"And Miss Morgan County 2011 is, Jenna Hansroth!!"
I smiled. Sure, it was nice getting a crown and being the pretty popular girl for the night, but I was gleaming with the thought "wow, I have the title...I CAN EDUCATE ABOUT LYME DISEASE! I CAN MAKE A CHANGE!!"
Never thought this would be thrown my way this year, but I'm taking advantage! Everyone, be prepared for some education and new knowledge!!
The fabulous women in charge of the pageant, worked with me in extremely wonderful ways. I could use my wheelchair whenever needed, could have help walking anywhere, and they allowed my mom to be back stage in case something would happen.
In my interview with my judges, I talked about Lyme as long as they would listen. I wore my Lyme ribbon and Lyme bracelet during every event...including the evening gown wear. I sat in my wheelchair proudly (smiling but in excruciating pain). During intermission, I spoke to everyone I could get to about Lyme Disease. Even if I had touched one person, that was enough. That was my goal.
"And Miss Morgan County 2011 is, Jenna Hansroth!!"
I smiled. Sure, it was nice getting a crown and being the pretty popular girl for the night, but I was gleaming with the thought "wow, I have the title...I CAN EDUCATE ABOUT LYME DISEASE! I CAN MAKE A CHANGE!!"
Never thought this would be thrown my way this year, but I'm taking advantage! Everyone, be prepared for some education and new knowledge!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
A Lyme Symphony
"Snap, Crackle, Pop." Most people hear those three sounds and immediately think of of Rice Krispies cereal popping with milk. When I hear those three sounds, it's usually my joints or other parts of my body expressing that they want a break. They want me to sit, lay down, watch a movie, and maybe take some pain pills (that, I don't object to), but being a 17 year old, I don't want to sit. I don't want to lay down. I want to be out with my friends...going to the boys' state soccer tournament, planning a trip to go snow tubing at Whitetail. Unfortunately, my body doesn't want to cooperate. And I'm starting to finally get the picture that maybe, just maybe, I should listen.
"Thud, crack." That would be the sound of me hitting the floor. My body giving out, too weak to walk back to my room. Mom hadn't heard that sound all day, but from the minute I got home today, that's all she's heard.
I've been off the chemotherapy for about two months now because of how fragile my body was and the constant seizures and narc attacks I was having. Those two months, I thought would be easy and fun. No nausea 24/7, actually being able to eat again, walking without pain, and maybe go back to being Jenna a little more. Instead my Lyme has gradually started to worsen, and I can tell I've lost some of the progress I had made with the previous months of treatment.
"Mmmmmm." (The ugh kind of "mmm" not the tasty kind) hummed from my body the second I got home from school today. There was the box. The box of treatments. The painful package of chemotherapy. A box I wasn't expecting for a couple days...here it was, and I was starting the vicious cycle of chemo all over again tonight. Here's to nonstop vomitting, weakness, and ucky yucky stuff.
"HA!" The music of laughter. Finally over the self-pity, I looked over the box at my dog, Kara.
"Bring it on baby..."
"Thud, crack." That would be the sound of me hitting the floor. My body giving out, too weak to walk back to my room. Mom hadn't heard that sound all day, but from the minute I got home today, that's all she's heard.
I've been off the chemotherapy for about two months now because of how fragile my body was and the constant seizures and narc attacks I was having. Those two months, I thought would be easy and fun. No nausea 24/7, actually being able to eat again, walking without pain, and maybe go back to being Jenna a little more. Instead my Lyme has gradually started to worsen, and I can tell I've lost some of the progress I had made with the previous months of treatment.
"Mmmmmm." (The ugh kind of "mmm" not the tasty kind) hummed from my body the second I got home from school today. There was the box. The box of treatments. The painful package of chemotherapy. A box I wasn't expecting for a couple days...here it was, and I was starting the vicious cycle of chemo all over again tonight. Here's to nonstop vomitting, weakness, and ucky yucky stuff.
"HA!" The music of laughter. Finally over the self-pity, I looked over the box at my dog, Kara.
"Bring it on baby..."
Thursday, November 4, 2010
"One Great Faker..."
Hey guys,
I know I haven't posted anything since July. Believe me, there have been countless times that I've wanted to, but I've also encountered very serious new problems, been trying to keep up with school and my social life, and all that teenage stuff.
This morning, I definitely had to post something though because it's really getting to me. Anymore, things don't get to me that often, but I know for a fact that this is a dilemma that all Lyme patients face, and is sometimes more difficult to deal with than the disease itself.
Yesterday morning, I almost had to be rushed to the ER. A combination of a blood sugar of 30, Lyme symptoms, AND ketones can be a fatal combination, and passing out from it certainly doesn't help anything. Even though this experience was a first, my superhero momma came to the rescue and fixed me right up. I like to call her Dr. Mom. I felt extremely weak afterwards, as anyone would, but a visit with my boyfriend, best friend, and a puppy named Snickers made me perky again. Perky, bubbly, dorky Jenna again. A girl that hadn't been seen for an extremely long time.
I got tons of compliments on looking great, and all that shabang, but also heard a lot of things that hurt too. "Finally, she's back to normal. That whole sick thing was weird." "Look at her. No Wheelchair. She can talk normal. Her mommy isn't helping her walk. She's laughing. Wow...not who I thought she was, but now I know...one great faker." All of these repeated in my head over and over but I tried not to let them get to me. I was going on a date with Brenton for the first night in a long time, and it was NOT going to ruin me...though the sting from those words is still with me.
Starting last night, I went back to feeling terrible. Countless painful symptoms. The terrifying experience of waking in the middle night with complete amnesia...not knowing who I was, who anyone else was, where I was...ANYTHING!! I woke screaming and crying in severe pain and now can't walk without, yes, my mommy, helping me.
I'm going to school today. Most people I've talked to with Lyme said they wished they could sleep through the whole experience, but I don't. I want to live and laugh, regardless of the pain. I want to have family dinners and watch movies with my brother. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time. I want my life to be changed by this for the better, not to "sleep through it all and feel no pain". Who knows...maybe my suffering will help someone else. MORE THAN WORTH ANY PAIN. I repeat...I'm going to school today. My mommy will be helping me. I will be sitting the whole time. I won't be who I was yesterday. I will be a "lymie" again.
I'm ready for students to say I'm "faking", or whatever they have to say. I'm a big girl and will still smile at them. I'm not going to say "go to hell" or "wish they'd walk a mile in my shoes" like I could. I'm going to pray as hard as possible for them to not go through the hell-filled 4 years that I have, but maybe throw in a prayer that they don't judge so much. That lesson I have been very much reminded of lately, and I think we all should work on it.
I know I haven't posted anything since July. Believe me, there have been countless times that I've wanted to, but I've also encountered very serious new problems, been trying to keep up with school and my social life, and all that teenage stuff.
This morning, I definitely had to post something though because it's really getting to me. Anymore, things don't get to me that often, but I know for a fact that this is a dilemma that all Lyme patients face, and is sometimes more difficult to deal with than the disease itself.
Yesterday morning, I almost had to be rushed to the ER. A combination of a blood sugar of 30, Lyme symptoms, AND ketones can be a fatal combination, and passing out from it certainly doesn't help anything. Even though this experience was a first, my superhero momma came to the rescue and fixed me right up. I like to call her Dr. Mom. I felt extremely weak afterwards, as anyone would, but a visit with my boyfriend, best friend, and a puppy named Snickers made me perky again. Perky, bubbly, dorky Jenna again. A girl that hadn't been seen for an extremely long time.
I got tons of compliments on looking great, and all that shabang, but also heard a lot of things that hurt too. "Finally, she's back to normal. That whole sick thing was weird." "Look at her. No Wheelchair. She can talk normal. Her mommy isn't helping her walk. She's laughing. Wow...not who I thought she was, but now I know...one great faker." All of these repeated in my head over and over but I tried not to let them get to me. I was going on a date with Brenton for the first night in a long time, and it was NOT going to ruin me...though the sting from those words is still with me.
Starting last night, I went back to feeling terrible. Countless painful symptoms. The terrifying experience of waking in the middle night with complete amnesia...not knowing who I was, who anyone else was, where I was...ANYTHING!! I woke screaming and crying in severe pain and now can't walk without, yes, my mommy, helping me.
I'm going to school today. Most people I've talked to with Lyme said they wished they could sleep through the whole experience, but I don't. I want to live and laugh, regardless of the pain. I want to have family dinners and watch movies with my brother. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time. I want my life to be changed by this for the better, not to "sleep through it all and feel no pain". Who knows...maybe my suffering will help someone else. MORE THAN WORTH ANY PAIN. I repeat...I'm going to school today. My mommy will be helping me. I will be sitting the whole time. I won't be who I was yesterday. I will be a "lymie" again.
I'm ready for students to say I'm "faking", or whatever they have to say. I'm a big girl and will still smile at them. I'm not going to say "go to hell" or "wish they'd walk a mile in my shoes" like I could. I'm going to pray as hard as possible for them to not go through the hell-filled 4 years that I have, but maybe throw in a prayer that they don't judge so much. That lesson I have been very much reminded of lately, and I think we all should work on it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
No Words Needed
This treatment is killing me. I can't move my legs or the lower part of my body and my arms are too weak to hold a glass of kool-aid (I dropped it, making a terrible mess). My convulsive twitching is out of control and I'm praying my "Hail Mary's" the whole way through the seizure-like things. My speech has quickly gone downhill. I can't talk at all sometimes, and lots of times I stutter and can't get my words out.
You know when you're truly in love with someone or are great friends when you can't speak, but they know what's going through your mind. Yesterday night, I couldn't speak whatsoever. I needed to say a lot of things...I'm hurting, I cam't move at all, I don't want dinner, I feel sick. Most importantly, I wanted to say "I love you" to my family. Somehow they knew from the look in my eyes, and we hugged and cried together. They knew I needed comfort, and they were there. My brother was going to a party at a friends house yesterday night. I needed to tell him my usual "don't drink whatsoever, don't let any of your intoxicated friends drive, come home if you're not comfortable there" etc. He knows all of this, but as his little sister, I remind him constantly. Not being able to talk or stand up to get him, I tugged at his shirt. He knew exactly what I meant by the look in my eyes.
Lesson Learned? Even though I'm addicted to talking and do so nonstop, words aren't always needed. Simple quiet gestures sometime show it greater...a hug, kiss on the cheek, simple smiling, holding someones hand... They're simple, but say it all + more!
You know when you're truly in love with someone or are great friends when you can't speak, but they know what's going through your mind. Yesterday night, I couldn't speak whatsoever. I needed to say a lot of things...I'm hurting, I cam't move at all, I don't want dinner, I feel sick. Most importantly, I wanted to say "I love you" to my family. Somehow they knew from the look in my eyes, and we hugged and cried together. They knew I needed comfort, and they were there. My brother was going to a party at a friends house yesterday night. I needed to tell him my usual "don't drink whatsoever, don't let any of your intoxicated friends drive, come home if you're not comfortable there" etc. He knows all of this, but as his little sister, I remind him constantly. Not being able to talk or stand up to get him, I tugged at his shirt. He knew exactly what I meant by the look in my eyes.
Lesson Learned? Even though I'm addicted to talking and do so nonstop, words aren't always needed. Simple quiet gestures sometime show it greater...a hug, kiss on the cheek, simple smiling, holding someones hand... They're simple, but say it all + more!
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Sweet Escape ♥
I'm going to be a senior this school year. I had not been to the beach since 6th grade. Six years without my ocean, my "take my breath away, inspiring ocean". My momma and grandma realized how much I needed to escape, and planned a surprise trip to Ocean City/Assateague Island. I was SO excited that I packed 2.5 weeks before we were leaving. It was a dream come true. Over the last couple weeks whenever I herx'd (while being delusional), I kept saying: "I'm going to the beach, I will be okay; I'm going to the beach, I will be okay." Momma and Grandma did just that.
When I stepped onto Assateague beach, I cried from happiness. The salty smell in the air, the sand giving me a natural pedicure, the waves dancing onto the shore, made me feel relaxed, soothed, and extremely happy. My little cousins ran through the waves splashing each other, laughing their way to a tummy ache. My mom and grandma stood with me, where the waves just refreshed our feet, holding hands. Three generations, holding hands, loving each other, loving life. This was a precious memory, one that I'll remember forever. Being there is just what I needed this summer...an escape from the bed I lay in all day too nauseous to move, a place where I didn't have to think before I talked which saved me from stuttering, a place where I didn't needed to be distracted from my pain. The beach was magical, and took away all of my fear and worries.
I sat on the shore line with my two year-old cousin, my aunt/bff, and my momma. I watched the waves slowly crawl onto the shore, listened to the sound that only oceans make, and watched the sun glisten on the tide.
If anything, I learned to see things differently; to see the beauty of little things; and to enjoy the small stuff. And most importantly, I questioned, "How can there NOT be a God?!"
When I stepped onto Assateague beach, I cried from happiness. The salty smell in the air, the sand giving me a natural pedicure, the waves dancing onto the shore, made me feel relaxed, soothed, and extremely happy. My little cousins ran through the waves splashing each other, laughing their way to a tummy ache. My mom and grandma stood with me, where the waves just refreshed our feet, holding hands. Three generations, holding hands, loving each other, loving life. This was a precious memory, one that I'll remember forever. Being there is just what I needed this summer...an escape from the bed I lay in all day too nauseous to move, a place where I didn't have to think before I talked which saved me from stuttering, a place where I didn't needed to be distracted from my pain. The beach was magical, and took away all of my fear and worries.
I sat on the shore line with my two year-old cousin, my aunt/bff, and my momma. I watched the waves slowly crawl onto the shore, listened to the sound that only oceans make, and watched the sun glisten on the tide.
If anything, I learned to see things differently; to see the beauty of little things; and to enjoy the small stuff. And most importantly, I questioned, "How can there NOT be a God?!"
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