"We Plan, God Laughs"

I've always had a plan. Always. I had to have one to give me comfort, determination, and to remind me of reality.

Starting in second grade, we were asked to write journal prompts about our life plans. In second grade! Most of us had trouble choosing whether we wanted to play kickball or four-square. Somehow, however, I had my plan.

Graduate high school. Attend Penn State University, where I would get my Masters in Speech and Language Pathology. After that achievement, I would work in the school system with elementary students or I would work with the elderly. My house would be a brick Cape Cod with a big backyard for huge BBQs and two golden retreivers. Next, I would travel to Italy, where I've ALWAYS wanted to go. I would eat pasta until I was sick of it. I would fall in love with an attractive, sweet and sensitive Italian man, and marry him. We would have at least three children and live happily ever after.

It was my dream. It was within reach. I knew that I was going to do it. Making that plan in second grade and having it until a year ago...I just went with it. I didn't think about it. Just following the path that I had set for myself.

This Lyme disease has changed my life. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows that. My life changes on an hourly/daily basis, and my motto has become "one day at a time". Therefore, my life plan has changed to "No Plan" and as scary as it is for me to think that I have no idea where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, I'm excited and relieved at the same time. Now, I don't have to worry about the stresses of getting into college and if my health can handle it. Now, I'm excited! Wondering what God has planned for me. Once I saw a sign that said "We plan, God Laughs" and it's one of the best things I've ever heard and the most true. I planned what I wanted. I drew the map, but how could I say what was going to happen? That's it! I couldn't! God only knows what's in store for me, and I'm going to take it "one day at a time".

Surprise! It's a surprise to the people that know me. I've always been portrayed as the perfectionist who wouldn't let anything stop me from going to college and getting what I want. They can't believe I've thrown my plan out the window. "What about goals? What do you want to be?"

I have goals. I want to get my health back to normal. I want to help the community with everything I have. I want to love everyone and try not to judge (probably my most difficult). And a biggie...I want to go to Italy...where I've dreamed of going my whole life. Where I want to relax, learn about my religion...eat pasta and pizza for every meal and enjoy it.

I know what I want to be. I want to be happpy. Whatever God's plan for me entails, I will see eventually...maybe a speech pathologist? Maybe a vet? I don't know what I want to be in that sense. BUT I do know what I want to be. HAPPY. Happy with all my heart, happiness all around me.