Sunday, December 12, 2010

"What if..."

"What if you didn't have Lyme Disease?"

The inevitable "what if". The question that everyone has asked at some point. Some people more than others depending on how pesimistic/optimistic, positive/negative they are. With little kids, you should depend on at least 10 "what if's" a day...they're the most curious of us all I guess.

"What if you didn't have Lyme Disease?"

I've been asked that more than once, but never really responded to the question or even thought about it. Recently though, it's really been on my mind. Of course I could go on and on about the negatives... "If I didn't have Lyme Disease I would still be playing sports. I'd be going to college with my friends. I wouldn't have to depend on others for everything. I wouldn't have to take chemo..." blahh, blahh, blahh! But what about the positive things that have come from it? What about the life-changing gifts that have come from it?

What if I didn't have Lyme Disease...
If I didn't have Lyme Disease, I would probably be a judgemental high school snob, deciding my opinions about people based on their appearance, and not their hearts and minds. I've been judged the past few years more than I ever thought I would be. It hurts, bad. How can I do that to others? So they wear the same clothes to school everyday...doesn't mean they're dirty and I'll hug 'em anyway.

I wouldn't appreciate the little things. Feeling okay enough to walk down the road, brain fog lifted for me to read a book to my little cousins, not narc'ing or twitching at school and actually enjoying being there! Those little things, that were always wonderful, are now even more of a blessing and joy.

I wouldn't be as close to my family. These past 5 years, they're who I've depended on. Who I've cried to, who has taken care of me, who are my best friends. My mom is my best friend, my idol, my comfort. My brother is my shoulder, my best hug, my advice giver. My grandma, my aunts...ahh, I'm going to start crying just thinking about it!

I wouldn't have the will-power. I wouldn't be a fighter. I wouldn't be a "Lyme Warrior Princess"

If I didn't have Lyme Disease, it's possible that everyone in my family and others in the community would. I thank God for that everyday. They don't have to suffer (sorry Aunt Janice, didn't get to you soon enough). When I see my little cousins running and laughing it fills me with happiness. They've all had embedded ticks, gotten immediate treatment, and are Lyme-free. They can have that fun and not sadness because of me. I know that's not very modest of me, but I believe it and am proud of it.

What if I didn't have Lyme Disease? I wouldn't be the person I am. I wouldn't love like I do, smile like I do, laugh like I do, I wouldn't be Jenna. I could go on positives and even longer about the negatives. Right at this moment, I'm happy that I have Lyme Disease. (Don't ask me in an hour when my pain and nausea meds wear off, but please do remind me)

1 comment:

  1. As your "Aunt Janice," I can say that you DID save me! We know how devastating late-stage disseminated Lyme Disease can be, and you saved me from THAT certain future. I was on that road, moving steadily toward more neurological symptoms, more painful joints, more headaches, more disease burrowed deeply into nerves and tissues and organs. BUT, I knew what to look for one early spring day when I was feeling ill again. I knew to review my Western Blot test more thoroughly and for myself, and not to just accept the doctor's "negative" diagnosis. YOU saved me; through your suffering, I found my answer quicker, and my healing began. All thanks to you.