Thursday, November 4, 2010

"One Great Faker..."

Hey guys,
I know I haven't posted anything since July. Believe me, there have been countless times that I've wanted to, but I've also encountered very serious new problems, been trying to keep up with school and my social life, and all that teenage stuff.

This morning, I definitely had to post something though because it's really getting to me. Anymore, things don't get to me that often, but I know for a fact that this is a dilemma that all Lyme patients face, and is sometimes more difficult to deal with than the disease itself.

Yesterday morning, I almost had to be rushed to the ER. A combination of a blood sugar of 30, Lyme symptoms, AND ketones can be a fatal combination, and passing out from it certainly doesn't help anything. Even though this experience was a first, my superhero momma came to the rescue and fixed me right up. I like to call her Dr. Mom. I felt extremely weak afterwards, as anyone would, but a visit with my boyfriend, best friend, and a puppy named Snickers made me perky again. Perky, bubbly, dorky Jenna again. A girl that hadn't been seen for an extremely long time.

I got tons of compliments on looking great, and all that shabang, but also heard a lot of things that hurt too. "Finally, she's back to normal. That whole sick thing was weird." "Look at her. No Wheelchair. She can talk normal. Her mommy isn't helping her walk. She's laughing. Wow...not who I thought she was, but now I great faker." All of these repeated in my head over and over but I tried not to let them get to me. I was going on a date with Brenton for the first night in a long time, and it was NOT going to ruin me...though the sting from those words is still with me.

Starting last night, I went back to feeling terrible. Countless painful symptoms. The terrifying experience of waking in the middle night with complete amnesia...not knowing who I was, who anyone else was, where I was...ANYTHING!! I woke screaming and crying in severe pain and now can't walk without, yes, my mommy, helping me.

I'm going to school today. Most people I've talked to with Lyme said they wished they could sleep through the whole experience, but I don't. I want to live and laugh, regardless of the pain. I want to have family dinners and watch movies with my brother. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time. I want my life to be changed by this for the better, not to "sleep through it all and feel no pain". Who knows...maybe my suffering will help someone else. MORE THAN WORTH ANY PAIN. I repeat...I'm going to school today. My mommy will be helping me. I will be sitting the whole time. I won't be who I was yesterday. I will be a "lymie" again.

I'm ready for students to say I'm "faking", or whatever they have to say. I'm a big girl and will still smile at them. I'm not going to say "go to hell" or "wish they'd walk a mile in my shoes" like I could. I'm going to pray as hard as possible for them to not go through the hell-filled 4 years that I have, but maybe throw in a prayer that they don't judge so much. That lesson I have been very much reminded of lately, and I think we all should work on it.

1 comment:

  1. I know its hard to let them roll off your shoulder, but They. Do. Not. Matter. I promise but the best explanation is a quote that i dont even quite remember, "Remember, for everyone has their own battles" I like to add, big or small to the end of how i remember it.
    much love, Tori